Let’s face it. Everybody has an opinion these days. No matter what career you get into, no matter what you choose to do with your life, someone is going to have something to say about it. I really like to think, though, that people truly mean well with their opinions (in most cases, anyway). No matter how much they might sting sometimes, I do believe they are doled out with the best of intentions.
As for the writers life, it seems to be a field where a lot of good intentions get doled out – ready or not. It sure has been in my experience anyway, especially when I first started writing full-time. I got a lot of raised eyebrows and pointed questions in those days. Peanut-gallery commentary seemed to follow me everywhere I went – parties, dinners, conferences, and the like.
I think part of it was genuine surprise. I mean, we live in a society where nine to five is definitely more the norm than an uncertain career in the arts. So I can hardly blame people for being curious and having questions. Which is why I was always happy to answer them. As for the more hurtful comments, and believe me, there were plenty, I just quietly logged them away in my mind. Because someday, I knew I would look back on them and laugh.
Well, I think that someday has arrived. In big part because I’ve seen a lot of hurt feelings and uncertainty in the social media writing community these days. There’s been a lot of posts relaying a nasty comment said to a writer, a particularly stinging needle poked in a soft spot, or an opinion that maybe pushed the boundaries a bit. It makes me ache, because I’ve been there. I’ve seen and heard it. I still do, in fact.
So, I decided to write a post sharing some of my highlight career commentary from people, and to offer some hopefully-helpful hints on how to deal with some of those stingy little barbs. Because you’re not alone. We all endure it. And maybe together, we can look back on these things and giggle, no matter where we’re at on the path. After all, it’s kind of hard not to. Especially with comments like —
Nobody Reads Anymore
I’ve been hit with this one more than once actually. One of the times when I was quite fresh off my life-changing decision to pursue writing full time. Needless to say, I needed encouragement at that juncture. So imagine my shock when I told a friend of my new path, and this was her response. What can I even say? Except that all the times I’ve seen people reading on public transit, on airplanes and at airports, by the pool, on vacation, at coffeeshops, and everywhere else I go begs to differ. My best advice for that comment is to tune it out completely. Or laugh at it. Next.
But What is Your Real Job?
I bet a lot of writers are nodding their heads as they read that one, because it seems to be flung around an awful lot. Although this comment can sting sometimes, I usually chalk it up to genuine curiosity. Because as I mentioned above, I know writing doesn’t look like the typical jobs out there. But trust me, it certainly feels like one. Every day, I’m up before the sun, where I kick off my day by reading novels. Because to know the craft, you have to immerse yourself in it. After that, I start my research and noting for whatever project is up next on the docket. Then I start writing, if I have a manuscript I’m actively working on. If I don’t, I comb through the old ones, because a book is never finished. Then I squeeze in social media and marketing. Trying to book signing events. Attending said events. Conferences. Q&As. Classes. Once upon a time, I was also querying and researching agents amongst all that. Just like any other job, I work long and I work hard. And I know that you do too – so just keep at it. Your job, and your purpose, is very real. Whether you’re a full-time writer, or also juggling a day job while you pen your book (I salute you, #5amwritersclub)
Don’t Writers Just Sit in the Bath Eating Bonbons All Day?
Yes, someone actually said that to me! And no, we don’t. See above.
You Know What You Should Write About?
Okay, this one I get a lot, and it is always a little hard for me to know what to do. Because on the one hand, the person is just trying to toss me some inspiration. To enlighten me about something they’re passionate about. Ain’t nothing wrong with that. On the other hand, it can feel a bit dismissive when I’ve just poured my heart out about something I’ve been working very hard on. So here’s how I’ve started to handle this one – some advice I actually got from my very wise father-in-law, who happens to write excellent stage plays. Just nod along politely. Then gently suggest that if this is what they are passionate about, perhaps they should go write about it. It’s one of those “everybody wins” scenarios. Or hey, maybe just take the idea and run with it! That’ll show them.
Your History Book Won’t Sell Without Dragons In It
At first I thought this was a joke. So I laughed. When I realized he was serious, I quieted my giggle fit, then politely told him that while he was right to suggest dragons (Game of Thrones was big at the time, and now there’s that whole Fourth Wing thing), I didn’t really feel that dragons had a part to play in my World War I Historical Fiction book, one that I was very adamant stay as close to the real history as possible. I thanked him for the thoughts though. Because like I said – he was just trying to help at the end of the day! But dang, that one was definitely unique!
Imposter Syndrome
This one’s a little less funny, and it’s a subject that probably deserves its own post. Maybe I’ll tackle that someday! But the gist of this angry little devil on your shoulder is that sometimes, our harshest critics can be our very own selves. My brain has given me plenty of sharp doses of Imposter Syndrome over the years. So you published two books – so what. You’re still not a real author. You don’t belong in the writing world. You have no idea what you’re doing. No one cares what you have to say. You’re not serving a practical purpose in this profession. Blah… blah… blah. How do we deal with Imposter Syndrome? Well, there’s always scotch (what doesn’t it fix?). But I think a much healthier solution is to just tell that devil on your shoulder to shove off. Because the heart of the matter is this. If you write, you’re a writer. No ifs, ands, buts, or imposters about it. So keep calm and write on, you writer.
Sexism
Definitely not something to laugh at. I hate to even bring it up. Truly, I do. I almost axed this section, because I hate being a downer. But I have to speak my truth sometimes, and the truth is, I have encountered sexism here and there. From mostly-harmless mansplaining, to dismissive waves of the hand when I’m talking, to full-on nasty comments about my looks or my place in the world. I’ve even run afoul of the “go bake me some cookies” comment. Always a classic. While I assure you that the vast majority of my experiences in the historical and writing world are nothing but pleasant, sexism is unfortunately prowling around out there, and it might find you. If it does, I implore you to remember that it’s them, not you. You, my talented writer friend, are amazing no matter your gender identity. Keep. On. Rocking.
Rise Above
These criticism highlights, whether laughable or not, are far from the only ones out there. I mean, I didn’t even mention nasty reviews, which, along with Imposter Syndrome, probably deserve their own post. But I guess my point with this post is to show writers that they’re not alone, and that it can be a tough world out there. Sometimes it’s hard to know how to handle the things people say. In my experience, taking it in stride or just laughing at it has always been the best cure, but I know that doesn’t work for everybody, and it doesn’t work in every scenario.
So, I think the best I can give you is this – Rise above it, and just keep on writing. Because not everyone is going to understand you or your work. It’s just a part of the job, and a part of life, really. But what you have to say is important. The story wouldn’t have come to you if it didn’t need told. So damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead (Civil War reference… I have to throw them in somewhere!)
Keep writing. Keep going. Keep being beautiful and incredible you. People will always have their opinions. Don’t let that knock you off course.
I included some of my favorite Macro shots with this post for Macro Monday! For more of my photography, click here.
My second book, As the Storm Clouds Gather, is out now! Click here for more information on how to purchase your copy!
Are you local to Northwest Indiana? Come see me at bookstore The Press in Downtown Valparaiso next month! I’ll be there signing books and talking shop! Hope to see you!
