A Writer’s Story: Coping with Rejection

It was my first-ever writer’s conference, and I had signed up to pitch an actual literary agent. No query letter this time. The pitch would be in person. Face to face. A ten minute slot to pitch my book, then, with a wave of the agent’s powerful hand, it would be onto the next potential client. Wow, was I nervous. So nervous, in fact, that I thought I might actually throw up all over the very nice outfit that it took me hours raiding my closet to decide upon. I stood in front of the bathroom mirror that morning in my hotel room. I was far away from home, all by myself, and about to face one of the most nerve-racking moments of my entire writing career thus far. I practiced my pitch out loud to the empty room, staring at my nervous reflection, counting down the hours, then the minutes, until I would be sitting right in front of her

Not surprisingly, the worst part was the wait. When I finally dragged myself into the hotel lobby, where all the agents were seated at little tables and hearing their pitches, I sat on a nearby couch, tapping my foot, checking my watch, straightening my hair, folding, then unfolding my hands. Running my pitch over and over in my head. Watching the agent meet with the client hopefuls she had scheduled before me. As I watched her work, I could see that she at least looked like a normal person. No different from the writers she was meeting with. So I guess that was a bonus.

Suddenly, the event host turned in my direction. He gave me a nod and pointed me to the literary agent’s makeshift desk. My turn had arrived. Oh God.

On trembling legs, I sat in front of her. I introduced myself in a voice that I couldn’t seem to make stop quivering, despite my best efforts. As for the rest of the pitch – let me tell you, there was never a ten minutes that flew by so quickly. By the time I finished stammering my way through my pitch (all that practice in front of the mirror out the window), there was only a few minutes left for the agent to ask me questions. Which she did in a very enthusiastic and friendly way. She liked the pitch, she told me. It sounded like a very interesting story.

She reached into her bag and handed me a business card. “I want you to send me the full,” she said, as she pointed out her email address on the card and gave me some instructions on how to format my query package. Honestly, I could barely hear her over the excited screams in my head. The full. I had just gotten my first full! For those of you not in the writing world, this means that an agent wants to look at your entire manuscript, as opposed to just a few chapters or pages (deemed a “partial”). A full request is a major step in the querying process. Sometimes, it’s just a step or two shy of signing with an agent. Now, after months of trying, I finally had it. My first full!

When the conference was over, I did everything the agent instructed me to, right down to the letter. I checked and re-checked everything before I sent the high-stakes email. It took me several minutes to get over myself and actually hit send. The email flew off. All I had left to do now was wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Days went by. Then weeks, then months. It was my first full. I had entertained so many thoughts of the agent loving that full. Of her calling me up and asking me about representation. A step known as the call (we’re such a creative bunch…). I thought I was finally on the road to getting my book published. To seeing it on store shelves. To holding a dream in my hand. But… she never emailed me back. My first full request died on the altar of the ever-dreaded silent rejection – a pass in which the agent doesn’t even email to let you know that they’ve passed. You just have to assume.

As frustrating as it can be at times, it’s a common method of pass. It’s not that the agents don’t want to personally respond, they just physically can’t respond to every query, being inundated with thousands and thousands of queries. So, they will give you a timeline on their query manager page – if you haven’t heard from me in three months, consider it a pass. However, this particular agent had set no such time line, so I had no way to ever really know for sure. But after six months had gone by and I still hadn’t heard a peep, I got the message. Hard pass.

Ouch.

It is probably one of the most painful rejection moments of my career, but it is only one of several. Dozens. In fact, I have an entire email folder filled with rejection notices, politely worded passes, or automated responses that indicate my manuscript is not a good fit. Some go out of their way to at least say nice things and give you some feedback, which is always appreciated. Others just get right to the point – Unfortunately at this time… yeah, yeah, I get it. Some are even a little tough on you. One told me – I am very selective in who I take on as a client… my expectations are a tall order, and if your manuscript lacks any of them, I’ll pass on it. Fair enough, but that one stung a little.

Needless to say, I’ve heard it all, on both query letters to agents and manuscript submissions to publishers. And despite my myriads of experience with rejection, it never really gets any easier. I wish I could tell you it did, but it doesn’t. Writing is an incredibly emotional process, with stunning highs (my first full!!) to crushing lows (the most silent of silent rejections).

And I’m not the only one. Not by a longshot. I’ve been reading about a lot of heartbreaking rejections on social media lately. Especially on X (Twitter). These days, that app seems like a complete querying battlefield, littered with the pieces of writers’ shattered hearts. It makes me want to reach my hand out and hug them all, because I know it hurts. I know it makes it so difficult to keep going.

Since I’m unable to physically hug each and every writer that is facing down another hard pass, I thought I would write this post instead. To share some of the tips I’ve used to help me deal with rejection. Because as painful as it is, rejection is just a part of the writing process. It’s just something we all have to deal with if we want to be in publishing. Hopefully these will help you face down the beast, although I know it’s probably not as good as a hug.

The first thing to remember is, like I just mentioned up above, that you’re not alone. There are lots of other writers going through the same ups and downs, and there are lots of ways to connect to these writers for support. Obviously an in-person writing group, if you have one, is a great place to go for comfort. I don’t have a writer’s group at this time, being a bit of a lone wolf, but I have found immense comfort in online writing groups. The writing communities on places like X (Twitter), Threads, Bluesky, and Instagram have given me loads of inspiration during my darker times. Not to mention all my friends here on WordPress. You guys are the closest thing I have to an in-person writing community, and I’m taking this quick opportunity to thank you for it. You’ve been with me from the ground up, and nobody appreciates that more than me! Anyway – if you’re a writer in need, lean on these communities and find some people going through the same thing. Battles are always better fought with good allies!

Secondly, try to remember that even if they come with a particular sting, rejections shouldn’t be taken personally. A rejection doesn’t mean you’re a bad writer, or that you’ll never find your home. On the contrary, a rejection could be turned around and looked at as a good thing. Another arrow on the path that’s leading you where you need to go. Agents don’t pass on materials because they don’t like you. They pass on materials because they’re trying to help you. They want you to find the best possible fit. Guys – they’re rooting for you! I know sometimes it doesn’t feel that way, but it’s the truth in most cases. Try to lean on that with the next pass.

Third – work on a new project while you’re querying. Nothing can suck the oxygen out of your creative fire like a folder full of rejections. Trust me, I know! So it’s very important to keep that creative flame burning while you’re in the query trenches. Like a beacon to remind you of why you started doing this in the first place. In my case, working on another project helped me stay determined too. It comforted me knowing that if the project I was querying got rejected across the board (and it absolutely did the first time), then I had another project waiting in the wings so I could get up, brush myself off, and try again. And that right soon. Start another project. You won’t regret it.

And finally – and this is the hard part – know when it’s time to move on. This doesn’t mean giving up. Not even close. This means taking some time away from querying to come up with another strategy or another project. If you make it through your entire query wish list and don’t get any bites, maybe it might be time to revise again. Send the project through another round of beta readers. Sound out some spots that might need re-thinking. In some cases, it might be time to move on to that project waiting in the wings. That’s what I ended up doing. While I haven’t given up on that first manuscript I ever completed and queried, I did get to a point where I realized that now might not be the right time for it, and there might be a better way to get my foot in the door. So I wrote something new and got my yes. But that old project is still in my files. I still work on it when I have time. Because I haven’t given up, and neither should you. Ever.

I have found, through my years working in writing, that most people, on the writer, agent, and publisher side alike, are incredibly supportive. They want you to succeed. Online writing communities, writers conferences, seminars, how-to books – it’s all there to help you. Try to look at it that way when you query. Don’t be as afraid as I was, staring at myself in the mirror and trembling at the thought of talking to an agent. They’re people – and they need you as much as you need them.

So keep writing and querying. For all of us. Your writing doesn’t just mean something to you, it will mean something to the people who absorb it and let it impact them. However you manage to get it out there. Then, when you get your first five-star reviews, or your first email from a fan telling you your book is their new favorite, it will have made the entire thing worth it. Rejections and all.

I put some of my pretty flower pics in this post because flowers make everything better! Hope you enjoyed them! My photo gallery is currently undergoing some updating, but soon you will be able to view more of my photography here 

And speaking of writing, stay tuned for some forthcoming updates on my second book, As the Storm Clouds Gather, available for purchase on March 4, 2025! For more information – click here.